Archive for September 18th, 2006

Best Setting for Communicating!

                       We live in a world full of many differences and a plethora of diversity. Within our own families we inhabit space with people who, although we share similarities with, are very different in a multitude of ways. In general we are separated by geographical locations, culture, religion, talents, skills, education, career, nurturing, race, gender, physical appearance, and economics to be broad. These are just a few of the diversities in our world. In light of theses differences, we must remember that opinions, desires, thoughts, attitudes, hopes, visions, and goals, will all be different for each individual. There will never be an identical person with the same everything as you. Even though there might be commonalities, there will always be differences amongst you.              A challenge that is often faced in social arenas and personal relationships is the tendency to force another individual to conform to the ideology of ourselves. What I mean by this is many people attempt to return responses to an associate, friend, family member, or spouse in a way that might cause the other to change there dialogue to fit the situation for your benefit and pleasing. This is what I consider a controlled environment. It is one in which all responses and communication are less than genuine from it’s participants, and does not allow for anyone present to express their honest feelings and opinions, for fear of rejection, displeasure, or conflict. It also is contrived of a dialogue that is not relative to what are the prevailing issues for the circumstance and situation. The converse of this is what I consider a free and natural environment, or one in which what you speak and what is being spoken to you is genuine and honest as well as direct and relative to the situation or circumstance. You clearly hear what is coming from the true opinion of the heart and, have substance to digest that it is relative to the matter at hand.

                In any relationship it is vitally important to stay relevant. The relevancy of your dialogue allows you to feed another person and help them to know you better. Many a couple express their desire to know each other more or they say that their spouse or friend make mental notes of their personality traits, feelings, likes & dislikes. The only real way of discovering such truth is to provide for a free and natural environment from which to gather the valuable data. A man often has a problem sharing his real feelings with a woman for fear that he might say the wrong thing. With his visual and practical approach, he often times states what is clearly and simply seen by all, but is obviously perceived completely different by the woman. His approach is often received as blunt, too direct, insensitive, harsh, thoughtless, selfish, and impersonal. The woman however can, generally speaking, attempt to share her thoughts through her subtle activity, sarcastic phrasing, inquiring indirect questions, and emotional displays. Her approach is often perceived by the man as indirect, confusing, misleading, and provoking.

                Because gender is only one difference, can you imagine the other multitude of issues that can arise out of the communication attempts of people all over? If I use my differences to persuade you to change your response, I have in fact changes the results of our dialogue, which changes and pollutes the information being returned. Therefore, although I believe I know you, I realize I am not really hearing your thoughts but my own spoken through you. Later on when I witness a different behavior or hear a different idea spoken, I am confused, upset, or questioning of the source of such change. What I have missed is the fact that I have been a contributor to this event, because I have not allowed the interaction between us to develop in a free and natural environment. You say you want that person to understand you more and do those things you like. You believe you know all about them and make attempts to please them to no avail. Maybe you have been developing your relationship in a controlled environment. It is a difficult thing sometime to open up and not allow yourself to dictate what the proper response to your questions will be.

               My remedy is to get your feelings off your shoulder. Stop being selfish and dictating all of the dialogue; Give yourself the opportunity to listen sometime. Stop talking and reciting what you have read. When your advice is needed it will be requested, trust me. Listening is really, really, really important. You can definitely have a great life if you learn to listen with your eyes, ears, and mouth. Don’t look away, don’t be distracted, and don’t always respond. Stay, listen & learn, and you’ll find out, you know very little and here’s your chance to know so much more!!!

Copyright © 2006 Kenneth Martin, Jr.

Practical Personal Development

Practical wisdom, for practical lives, practical words, to practical people, from a practical guy!



September 2006